I liked that Paul, thank you. I remember a long time ago when my son was born being told by a friend that being a parent is accompanied by a succession of doors closing silently. The last time a baby falls asleep in your arms. The last time you lift and carry a child. The last time they hold your hand walking down the street. The thing about all of these moments is that you’re not in control and don’t realise it was the last time until it’s already happened, never to happen again. All we can do is be present, appreciate the here and now, and look forward to enjoying the next different stage before a door silently closes on that too. I feel sure you are doing all of that anyway.
I made his last ever primary school packed lunch last week and thought exactly this. Most of the other 'lasts' passed without fanfare. I made a real effort with that last packed lunch, all of his favourites were there - decent bread, black olives, crudités and veggie nuggets. I told him how much it meant to me to catch this 'last', to have been present and mindful of the significance. He shrugged.
Hey Paul. I found there was a blip then a couple of years later I was back to being the cool dad again. Just less involved in their activities. More there for chats and chef service. Holidays too. Enjoy the break, some you time!
My boys are in their 30’s; I was not a cool Dad for much of their childhood, although that changed when I worked for a computer games company for a few years. Then I became a teacher, ‘cool plummeting’ and then their teacher ‘does it get any worse’, then they went to Uni, work, partners, homes etc. now we get on really well, probably better than ever, I love them, I’m proud of them and I’ve never stopped being their dad.
Like any career the role changes, there are periods of downtime, hostility even, then it’s good again. Being a parent is not just about childhood.
I sometimes think, right, I'm good to go. Achievements achieved, bucket list is in good shape, lots of ticks in boxes. I'm not in a rush to be off but if I had to go, I'm cool.
Like, it's a popular restaurant, I've finished me meal and it's been great but I'll hang around until they really need the table back if that's cool. Then you spot something on the dessert menu that looks too good to ignore.
Like, I'm good, I've had a great time but maybe one day Gus'll be a man and might say, "dad d'you want to go sleep out in hammocks in the woods and maybe do some mushrooms?" Or "d'you want to rent a garage for a year and do up a motorbike and sidecar combo with me then ride to Morocco together?"
I'm bizarrely busy but will get back to you on this, just wanted to register my support. Can't immediately think of a decent swearing acronym for a potential support group. We can use loads of swearing when they don't listen to or pay attention to us! Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for the Restack @Franklin Hanna
I liked that Paul, thank you. I remember a long time ago when my son was born being told by a friend that being a parent is accompanied by a succession of doors closing silently. The last time a baby falls asleep in your arms. The last time you lift and carry a child. The last time they hold your hand walking down the street. The thing about all of these moments is that you’re not in control and don’t realise it was the last time until it’s already happened, never to happen again. All we can do is be present, appreciate the here and now, and look forward to enjoying the next different stage before a door silently closes on that too. I feel sure you are doing all of that anyway.
I made his last ever primary school packed lunch last week and thought exactly this. Most of the other 'lasts' passed without fanfare. I made a real effort with that last packed lunch, all of his favourites were there - decent bread, black olives, crudités and veggie nuggets. I told him how much it meant to me to catch this 'last', to have been present and mindful of the significance. He shrugged.
Maybe I'd built it up too much.
From a mum’s point of view it’s no different. I had that “not needed anymore” feeling for quite some time, I was lost. I couldn’t be prouder of you ❤️
You were always needed. X
Well said! Nice work btw with the kids. Feel human soul in all of the many contexts and examples you've shared. Intelligent disappearing acts. Living!
I enjoy reading your writing.
Wow. I have tears in my eyes and an overwhelming desire to become a father. A present one. 🙏
The first bit is mostly shit and tears for everyone involved. Then there's a good bit.
Hey Paul. I found there was a blip then a couple of years later I was back to being the cool dad again. Just less involved in their activities. More there for chats and chef service. Holidays too. Enjoy the break, some you time!
Sounds like you’ve done an excellent job Paul!
My boys are in their 30’s; I was not a cool Dad for much of their childhood, although that changed when I worked for a computer games company for a few years. Then I became a teacher, ‘cool plummeting’ and then their teacher ‘does it get any worse’, then they went to Uni, work, partners, homes etc. now we get on really well, probably better than ever, I love them, I’m proud of them and I’ve never stopped being their dad.
Like any career the role changes, there are periods of downtime, hostility even, then it’s good again. Being a parent is not just about childhood.
I sometimes think, right, I'm good to go. Achievements achieved, bucket list is in good shape, lots of ticks in boxes. I'm not in a rush to be off but if I had to go, I'm cool.
Like, it's a popular restaurant, I've finished me meal and it's been great but I'll hang around until they really need the table back if that's cool. Then you spot something on the dessert menu that looks too good to ignore.
Like, I'm good, I've had a great time but maybe one day Gus'll be a man and might say, "dad d'you want to go sleep out in hammocks in the woods and maybe do some mushrooms?" Or "d'you want to rent a garage for a year and do up a motorbike and sidecar combo with me then ride to Morocco together?"
Oh man, THIS. Thank you! I needed to hear this.
I'm bizarrely busy but will get back to you on this, just wanted to register my support. Can't immediately think of a decent swearing acronym for a potential support group. We can use loads of swearing when they don't listen to or pay attention to us! Fuck Yeah!