058. ...who the smelly goats are.
(morning thinking)
I’ve been a bit judgy with some pet hate phrases of late.
“Well, to tell the truth” or “to be honest”. Have irritated me recently. What are you telling me? Has it all been lies, lies damned lies up until now?
They’re probably also, and more realistically, stock phrases that mean, I’d like to talk frankly with you and what I’m about to say might cause hurt or distress or offence.
This kind of language might also be used as a caveat to assert ahead of time that what a person is about to say is their own opinion and could be loosely held together but it’s mine mine mine and so I have a right to say it. Sometimes I think it’s the sort of thing people say when they haven’t the energy to continue reasoning and just want to draw a line under a difficult conversation topic because they’re intellectually spent.
I don’t much like it and when I hear words to this effect my back goes immediately up.
But this civilised life takes up so much of our cognitive energy that it’s unusual to encounter folks with a surplus of juice for thinking. Our brains too often run in battery saver mode. In this state of operation platitudes and stock phrases come out to save the brain from spinning up to full speed, when perhaps it might be dangerous to do so. Calorie intensive thinking is throttled back and limited at a subconscious level.
So when someone says, “I’m going to be honest with you…” we probably shouldn’t assume that up until this point they have been dishonest. They’re probably just tired.
Regardless of this it’s a lazy phrase that I think contributes to the idea that there’s a baseline of dishonesty from which we occasionally step up in to truth. This is not, I believe, the case. Humans are generally good and kind. Good, kind and exhausted.
Dunbar’s Number suggests that there is an optimum population for a human community. In the 1990s Robin Dunbar, the British anthropologist noticed a correlation between primate brain size and social group numbers. The bigger the brain the more relationships we are able to make sense of and sustain. I think pretty much anyone living in an urban environment while operating one or more social media accounts is tapped out. They’re giving all they have to give. And when they meet someone new there’s no more trust available.
So maybe there is place in modernity for a statement that cuts straight to your truthful intent. A reminder, just for those without the time or energy to look in your eyes, rationalise the worth of your deeds to this point and arrive at a solid conclusion.
Marcus Aurelius suggested that a straightforward (honest) and good person should be like a smelly goat. You should know when you’re in a room with one. He concludes, “If you are good, straight forward and well-meaning it should show in your eyes and not escape notice.”
It’s possible that with us all squashed in so close together all the time the subtle individual smells of humanity have coalesced into a confusing miasma that’s almost impossible to make sense of. And so it’s hard to be sure who the smelly goats are.