044. ...glorious, sanity saving packet...
(poem)
This one requires a little conceit, before I start, on your part. So I hope you’ll bear with me. I’d like you to imagine you’re on a plane and that you’re super hungry. You got to the airport late, rushed passed the shops directly to the gate. You know Ryanair wont have anything on the menu thats suitable for you because you have an intolerance to some key inflight meal ingredients, maybe wheat but perhaps you have a glorious, sanity saving packet of dry roasted in your carry on. As you settle and start rummaging hungrily for nuts, the tannoy comes alive but it's not flight crew talking to you, it’s me…
So with that scenario held firmly in your mind… this is the poem…
Feasting on nuts.
Click. TAP TAP TAP. Please could I have your full and undivided attention. TAP TAP TAP. Hello, hi. I have an allergy issue which forces me to eschew peanuts pistachio and cashews. Now, I wouldn't wish you an uncomfortable flight but i have to ask you to do what's right by me and refrain even in the conical intimacy of your overhead light, from opening up that bag of nuts tonight… While you set your tray tables to the upright, locked position please fasten your compassion. Engage your empathy. This guy entreats you to practice salted and roasted snack inaction… or I face anaphylaxis. As the plane taxis to the end of the runway, soon to take to the skies I ask you kindly… Think about my family. Consider please the whole I'd leave if my throat swells up And I cease to be able to breathe. If aerosolised nut particles float, on the back of a cough, swirling on recirculated air, up and off over chair backs and if just one speck should pass from your lip, to mine to nestle innocently in my respiratory tract, this night’s trip could be my last. So I ask, again, please while we're on this plane... refrain, from feasting on nuts
This is one of those times where I’ve taken the role of someone who’s infuriated me so’s I can get a feel things from their perspective and learn to be a bit more compassionate. I don’t actually have a nut allergy. Seems worth pointing out as I do have some dietary difficulties (it’s gluten) and you might want to invite me round to yours for a sophisticated dinner party some time.
If you are thinking of inviting me round you should hit subscribe below. That way when the dinner conversation turns to hobbies and pastimes we’ll have a concrete jumping off point. Here’s the button…
On a recent flight I was sat next to a couple who were fascinating, for many reasons. This nut allergy message came over the tannoy and I observed them both getting quite worked up. They called over an attendant and said they would like to know how close they were to the nut allergy traveller cause they wanted to eat their kinder buenos - which if you dinnea ken is nut-tastic!! The attendant told them he wouldn’t be divulging this information. So they asked could they eat it in the loo (?!) and the attendant could tell the nut allergy passenger to use the other loo. They were told NUT! Nae nuts!! After that they wore masks for the flight even when eating the overpriced Pringles. Popping them under their masks as they munched.
Thanks for allowing me to relive that very odd and comical time in my life 😆 I love the absurdity of humans.