192. ..."happy new year" adds a lot of pressure...

(morning thinking)

At the tail end of this week I think I’m opposed to anymore Happy New Year wishes. I think I’m generally and broadly against it as a phrase anyway. A week into the new year there’s a shift to that awkward, “Happy…” and then we pause briefly “...is it too late?” Half smiles and a slight stiffening of body language, “is it too late now? But I haven’t seen you so…”. We might do a hug, “Happy new year? Happy New year! Are we still doing that?” and then we’ll both laugh and move on with the conversation.

Against it generally as a phrase? Am I just being typically contrarian? Am I contrarian? Do I just like going against the grain? I don’t think so, it can be awkward and lonely taking a stance that’s against the norm. But I do think wishing someone a “happy new year” adds a lot of pressure to an already dark month. Rote repetition of seasonal platitudes isn’t really saying anything.

January is a particularly challenging time for mental health. Half way through winter, feeling smothered by the season’s dank weight and STILL months to go until the mornings lighten and the sun stretches lazily into the evening sky trying to put off bedtime. Christmas festivities and hogmanay parties are done so there’s an end to that forced sugar sweet Season’s Greetings tinsel joy and I do hate the artifice of it but at least it brings people together. Now that it’s finally abated I’m questioning whether it was preferable to this emotional dichotomy that’s gotten me feeling simultaneously hollowed out and stuffed full of rocks. Law firms report a spike in couples filing for divorce. Suicide trends upwards.

It’s easy to see why some people would think the only way out was a final way out but spring does come. Eventually. And the trial of winter makes snow drops and bluebells all the sweeter when they arrive.

Happy new year.

A wise friend talked over tea about the western misuse of “jihad”. To our mass media mediated mind it’s all holy war. He tells me that hard toil pushed through, emotional trials fought and overcome are personal jihad. In Islam, jihad means “to strive” or “to struggle,” and it’s less about war and more about perseverance, what Muslims call the greater jihad is the personal, inner battle to overcome weaknesses, temptations, and fears. Lesser jihad might involve defending one’s community, but even that is deeply bound by rules of justice and ethics. There’s tragedy in the way a word, which could encompass a mother working hard to raise her children, a student dedicating themselves to learning, or anyone wrestling with grief or growth, has been hijacked to mean the opposite of what it truly signifies - striving for goodness. We’re all trying for that. One way or another. Fight the daily battles to become better versions of ourselves? That’s jihad. And I like that.

“Happy new year” seems hollow. I’m not against happiness but it seems like a fleeting superficial salutation. What would be a better greeting for this time of year?

It occurs to me I’ve railed against greetings in this blog in the past. I don’t like “get well soon”. Maybe I am just contrarian.

I think we’re designed to save energy and any phrases that help minimize wasted time, shortcuts that cover many bases are a boon to system optimisers. Catch alls. But we shouldn’t get lazy with them. Complacency is an enemy of growth.

But I don’t wish you a happy new year. I wish you a contented baseline. That’s less catchy but I hope that on this foundation of peace you build a general trend toward growth and fulfilment. I hope that on this journey around the sun you have enough quiet reflective time to spot all the little good things and explore the connections between them. Dig into the repeating patterns of your life and discard those that detract from joy. I hope that some of your habitual niggles and annoyances are rooted out and left behind. I hope you try something new. Guitar or ukulele maybe. Singing in a choir? Life drawing? Running? Maybe take the plunge on those swimming lessons you’ve dreamt about since primary school.

I wish you a year with breathing space.

I wish you a year with less rat and less race.

I wish you a year that starts fresh, blooms, matures and endures into a solid foundation for the year that follows. A stage to stand on, dance on, project from. Build yourself up a little, climb a ladder that lets you see a little further into the future.

Happy happens in the fertile ground we prepare when we lean into contentment and make peace our priority.

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Thanks for reading. I often wonder whether I’m making mistakes or any sense.

It is a dark month. If you’re feeling low give me a shout. Or if not me some other friend. Talk to someone. The pain wont necessarily go away but it definitely eases off a little. In that moment of respite it’s easier to feel the breeze that signifies a tunnel that leads to the surface, a tunnel that leads to the light. Don’t sit in the darkness by yourself. Gimme a shout.

Thanks again for reading. I like writing words and it’s comforting to think there might be someone reading.

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Thank you (third time!)

Paul.