113. ...flimflam flip flops...

(morning thinking)

Photo by dan wilding on Unsplash

There’s great pleasure to be had in admitting having been wrong. Especially if the admission follows and reverses, a previously firm conviction. It can feel like putting down an enormous weight. Sometimes our convictions are a straight-jacket we forget we're wearing.

I like the idea of strong beliefs loosely held. Of investing time in investigating ideas, pouring energy in but having no fear of reversing, rewinding, stepping back and changing direction if that becomes necessary. It's emancipating.

What is there that really demands a crushing, white knuckle, grip? Handrails when we're frightened we might slip, precipice edges when we've already fallen, when we're dangling over unknown depths.

Delicate beautifully things need to be held lightly regardless of how precious they are. Butterflies and babies. Although why are you holding a butterfly?

Is admitting we’re wrong like asking for help? Or saying that we’re open to new ideas. “I assure you I am open.” I’m happy to hear your perspectives and cool with adapting mine to accept some of yours. Heck, if what you're thinking works out to making more sense than my own ideas I’ll leap in and swim about in your convictions all day long.

But flimflam flip flops back and forth aren’t cool. Indecision is frustrating to be around. “Hang on, yesterday you said this and now you’re saying that but a week ago you were all this’n’that’n’that. It creates uncomfortable uncertainty.

Falling too quickly for an idea is probably the problem. Getting wed on a whim to a fad or fashion without putting in the cognitive leg work, conducting a thorough survey, results in foundations dug on shaky ground or forces the whole shebang to be packed up and relocated to another plot. Let’s start all over again! Again. Both approaches waste time and energy and neither will result in a lasting edifice which is solid and strong. Thinking things through is likely the best thing to do. Build a firm base. A solid foundation of understanding then slowly, purposefully, reach up from there.

Constructing personal belief systems is more like classical spire building, than contemporary skyscrapers. The latter goes up, most often, in an extruded form that follows the footprint’s initial shape. Straight up at pace with maybe a little bit of narrowing at the top. They go up fast and uniform.

Ideas about who we are, society and the cosmos, should start squat and wide. Exploration, poking and testing precede a slow gradual build. Get ornate in places, spend some time on detailing as you go. Is Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia a metaphor for self exploration and evolution? I probably need another look.

How closely does Barcelona's crown, the building as it stands now follow the plans Gaudi worked out when he drew them up in 1882?

Googles.

The current state of the Sagrada Familia is not exactly the same as Gaudi's original plans from back in the day. He began work on the project in 1883, and kept at it until his death in 1926. During this time, he made several changes and modifications to the plans, and after his death, the project was continued by other architects who also made changes.

How would he feel about the building as it stands now? Some of Gaudi’s original plans and models have been lost over the 140 years since construction began. The build has climbed up from the ground above two global pandemics, a civil war, two world wars, various financial depressions and collapses. In Grand Designs it’s usually a pregnancy or a divorce that derails things.

There’s less of the building at the top. It gets more refined and finely detailed. More fragile? I’m making assumptions. I might be wrong.

And actually, sometimes it’s fun to dive into things without planning too much. It’s easier to make mistakes when you move fast and and get past the awkward blank page stage. We don’t grow from a place of always getting things right. Right?

This, like everything else doesn’t appear to be binary. I don’t expect it’s good/bad.

Admitting being wrong is saying, “there’s another way to go and I want to know where that leads”. It’s an opportunity to refine and improve.

“Oh, no wait, I might have been wrong about that.” places a pause in a narrative. Saying, “sorry,” saying “I’m wrong” might be the full stop on one part of the story. Enquiring about another way, asking for help or clarification could be the capital letter at the beginning of the next sentence. Hopefully a sentence that moves the story forward.

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My mind guddle's felt guddlier, my mental waters muddier of late. Not sleeping, brain fog creeping in like in a hackneyed scary movie.

Ghost pains from last year's back break wake me up through the night. I need to learn to stretch before bed, unclick the crick in that clattered and cracked T2 vertebrae or my head's going to stay fuzzy.

New habits to build. Habit building needs a bit of clear headspace and the irony of that vicious cycle isn't missed.

I'll get there. There's lots going on. Softly softly.

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I love you, Paul.